I need your support
Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2020 6:56 pm
I need your support.
I am going for a world record and I'm tantalizingly close to breaking it.
It's the record for how much can be extracted from a 3 litre box of white wine.
I've been in training for months, but with the new lockdown I have a fresh impetus to crack this formidable challenge.
There are many skills involved. At first there's simple techniques like tap-turning and box-inclining. At which point some poor misguided drinkers just give up and return to the off-licence. Naive fools.
The cognoscenti of wine-box draining go further. Much further.
Initially we're looking at box ripping, which can be taught, but the grand-masters develop the strategy almost instinctively. As in Formula 1, the cry 'Box Box Box' results in a mad scramble to get through to the holy grail of wine-access: the BAG !
So now we're looking at the bag. There's easily a large glass left in there, and it's teasing us... 'Ha ha, we're in here and you're out there. Go on, just try and get us out - we dare you!'
So the challenge is set. The skilled and accomplished, but not yet entered into the wine-bag hall of fame, go for gravity. It's a strong plan. Since 1687 it has been a Newtownian assumption that the wine will flow down into the mouth waiting beneath. Just get that bag overhead, turn the tap and let it drop in!
But no. There is more to be had. Gay-Lussac and Boyle knew better. What the top professional wine-box extractors use is PRESSURE. They cut a small hole in the top of the bag and blow down hard until the tap is begging to release its final few millilitres of grape juice into the Guinness-record measuring flute which dangles there gasping for the last drops of input.
Which is where I implore you, dear ABR Forum reader, for sponsorship and moral support in my attempt at the record. Surely I can exceed 2997ml of chardonnay? With your backing, and sufficient training, I can push for that last few mls.
Text 'slurp' to DAVEWINO and you can donate a vital fiver to my campaign for global dominance of sauvignan depletion.
Thank you.
I am going for a world record and I'm tantalizingly close to breaking it.
It's the record for how much can be extracted from a 3 litre box of white wine.
I've been in training for months, but with the new lockdown I have a fresh impetus to crack this formidable challenge.
There are many skills involved. At first there's simple techniques like tap-turning and box-inclining. At which point some poor misguided drinkers just give up and return to the off-licence. Naive fools.
The cognoscenti of wine-box draining go further. Much further.
Initially we're looking at box ripping, which can be taught, but the grand-masters develop the strategy almost instinctively. As in Formula 1, the cry 'Box Box Box' results in a mad scramble to get through to the holy grail of wine-access: the BAG !
So now we're looking at the bag. There's easily a large glass left in there, and it's teasing us... 'Ha ha, we're in here and you're out there. Go on, just try and get us out - we dare you!'
So the challenge is set. The skilled and accomplished, but not yet entered into the wine-bag hall of fame, go for gravity. It's a strong plan. Since 1687 it has been a Newtownian assumption that the wine will flow down into the mouth waiting beneath. Just get that bag overhead, turn the tap and let it drop in!
But no. There is more to be had. Gay-Lussac and Boyle knew better. What the top professional wine-box extractors use is PRESSURE. They cut a small hole in the top of the bag and blow down hard until the tap is begging to release its final few millilitres of grape juice into the Guinness-record measuring flute which dangles there gasping for the last drops of input.
Which is where I implore you, dear ABR Forum reader, for sponsorship and moral support in my attempt at the record. Surely I can exceed 2997ml of chardonnay? With your backing, and sufficient training, I can push for that last few mls.
Text 'slurp' to DAVEWINO and you can donate a vital fiver to my campaign for global dominance of sauvignan depletion.
Thank you.
