Three Go Mad in France - Days 1 to 4........and the rest

[Lairyskippy]

So here's the basics of a recent jaunt to the Dordogne and back over the course of about 9 days. The miscreants involved are commonly known as Skippy, Curly and Old Mother riding a Versys 650, Strom 650 and KTM Adventure 950 respectively. It's a bit of a brief blog of events provided by Curly and augmented (tarted up a bit) by me, Skippy. As usual, Old Mother did feck all apart from ride his bike, drink beer and eat all the bloody food!

DAY 1
Skippy loses his video camera on the M25, just flew off in Essex somewhere. He blames it on the thread stripping off but in truth he fucked up and didn't screw the thing on properly. Old Mother's right rear indicator bulb fails which is of no concern whatsoever to Skippy and Curly.



Best laid plans already gone tits up as the terrible trio miss the service turn off on the M20 for a final UK fuel up............ Oh we'll, just have to stop in France earlier than expected (opportunity to fill up with coffee and pain au raisin). A full day's ride saw us rock up at Amboise campsite situated on an island in the middle of the Loire River.



Wobbled into town and gorged ourselves stupid on pizza in a restaurant where it seems all the staff were either related or all shared the same sense of fashion. Again, of no concern to the intrepid threesome who simply drank more beer. In an attempt to be organised for the next morning we bundled into a City Carrefour for provisions when they told us the shop was shut and we needed to leave. No chance, the stuff was in the basket and we were having it whether they wanted paying or not..............in the interest of international relations, money was exchanged for goods and we went off to the cocktail bar that was en route to the campsite.






Cocktails called a Blue Wind, Kamakaze and Ozone were tucked away nicely and provided a perfect end to a long day. However, at arriving back at the tent it soon became apparent that the tent was designed for midgets and that Skippy's lilo was banana shaped and he would need to sleep upright for the week.

DAY 2
Bumped into Peter Barlow from Coronation Street (Chris Gascoigne) in the centre ville of Le Dorat; well, Curly and Old Mother did, Skippy was still riding around on his jack looking for the other two!



Curly shit the life out of a French local just before dipping into a corner- nicked a bit of his side of the road for a good entry. It wasn't that the bike was close to the car but Culry's Big Yellow Bag is seriously wide. Skippy gets called over to a cafe table by what appeared to be a French farmer... "Bonjour" said Skippy, to which the French farmer replies "Alwite mate"............Eastenders extra no doubt?

Arrived @ Sarlat la Canéda (Camping Indigo) and pitched up 1st basecamp. Skippy got the first injury of the tour while putting up a washing line..........rock 'n'roll!


All three got pissed in the Medieval city (Jimmys bar) - OM & Skippy on the Leffe, Curly on the Nelson, back to Basecamp for port and possibly food (nobody can remember)... bed at about 1:30am, warm night so Skippy left door open for air.... During the night the heavens opened and Curly's and Old Mother's gear got wet..........Skippy laughed his cock off in sympathy.



Day 3 - all a tad hangin', OM the worst - bit of a wet start to the day so walked into Sarlat for supplies and some enthusiasm for OM - came back with supplies no enthusiasm and had hotdogs, mistard and french stick for lunch - watched in amazement as one of our neighbours reversed hard into a bush which amused us no end. In true Brits Abroad style we did bugger all to help but did offer useful advice from several metres away.

That afternoon Skippy threw his left boot at OM, unprovoked and violently (Fergie style) while OM was having a nap, great shot right on the forehead... normal verbal abuse followed. Weather brightened up so went to the pool. A relaxing day enjoyed by gentleman, however Skippy and Old Mother need to stay off the Leffe!!

Day 4
Canoeing under the affluence of inker hole hic, hic! Thoroughly recommended to get rid of a Leffe hangover. Signed up to a 16klm canoe fest down the Dodogne river, from Carsac to La Rocque Gageac. Skippy stole OM's paddle and left him to drift.........well, why not? Skippy's cunning plan to float the entire 16klms was badly planned and poorly executed. In fairness we probably done more like 20km with the military zig zagging...


Evening entertainment on the campsite consisted of childrens entertainment in the shape of Lillie Poppy ( never heard of her right?) and a Mary Poppins lookalike. Skippy liked them a lot but not as much as the Leffe.

[Mike101]

Verry good. But with friends like that who need....well you get the idea.

M

[Lairyskippy]

Exactly! If you can't be a shite to yer mates then they ain't mates! :laugh: More to follow!

[Tink]

Fecking hilarious :laugh: :laugh:
Nice one guys, look forward to your next chapter

[bandit1250gt]

Very funny, look forward to next "episode"

[fella1176]

lol more plz...

[PHILinFRANCE]

Love the first pic ......3 parked bikes under that sign :laugh:

[Mosel Bikes]

Brilliant! That has the spirit and feel of the kind of trip I like doing. The proverbial 'Wish I was there'! Look forward to more.

[boboneleg]

Sounds like a right laugh, watch that Leffe, it can bite you back :laugh:

[Lairyskippy]

...........so having survived the canoeing, Lilly Poppy and Mary Poppins, we made it to Days 5 and 6

Day 5
Sarlat la Caneda to Florac, what a brilliant days ride culminating in the Gorges du Tarn (more fun that the Stelvio in truth!) Stopped for some video action but had to put the camera on a slow shutter speed for OM. Clearly, the most stylish was Skippy..........ahem!





Stumbled across Rocamadour and did the usual tourist photos before fecking off..........but not before OM took a wrong turn out of the car park. Curly and Skippy were getting used to his foibles by now and simply plotted up under the shade of a tree awaiting his return. No words were exchanged upon his return, just a small shake of the heads and knowing grins.




Had a blinding lunch at Estangs en route (local Alsatian) nom nom...........tiny, pretty town in the middle of nowhere with top quality nosh. We really didn't 'look the part' but hey, they only had to ask us to leave?




Got to camping Pont du Tarn and pitched up. Ate at the camp site restaurant after Curly had a disagreement with OM who wanted to walk into town............ because there were too many flies! After their lovers tiff and Skippy doing his best to manufacture fisty cuffs, OM was duly ignored and force fed against his will. Top entertainment all around.

Day 6
Rode to Alés on bumpy, twisty and very uncomfortable B roads which were all very scenic but bloody suicidal at times. Old Mother excelled in manic bend swinging on his orange beast due solely to his superior suspension and a complete disregard for his own safety. Curly and Skippy retreated to a safe distance to prevent being covered in bits of KTM and OM's body parts.

After 35 miles of those, we were rewarded with the remainder being 70mph - 80mph lovely flowing bends which were gratefully received by everyone and Curly and Skippy went berserk, leaving Old Mother to bimble along. We refueled on diet cokes (no Leffe!) and discussed the enigma that is OM who rides quicker when he can't see around corners. There really is something wrong with him.........perhaps an axe murderer in his spare time?

Took the N106 back to Florac which was possibly one of the best roads ever ridden by all of us. Highly recommended!!!!!!! 45 miles of fast, sweeping bends with hardly any traffic........apart from a suicidal HGV that was hounding two camper vans. A near collision saw one of the campers pull off the road while the HGV squeezed past the remaining one with inches to spare on a blind bend. It made OM's blind corner technique look very shabby indeed.

Stopped for some more video action and general all round posing.






Another dodgy, fly-ridden meal on the campsite resulted in the midnight trots for Curly but not before he'd polished off the port.


Skippy became aware of Curly' tricky situation as he texted him from the toilet block asking where the bog roll was? In Skippy's bag was the honest answer.........which clearly wasn't the one given to Curly. Although OM and Skippy were deeply concerned about the plight of their dear friend they zipped the tent up and laughed themselves to sleep..........until the selfish twat returned from the shit house to regale them with tales of daring-do.

And so to sleep, dreaming of the riding Gods they clearly had become.