Request for some Light-hearted Relief Please.....

[MidnightSerenity]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[Alun]

My partner had a go at me last night. She said 'You'll drive me to my grave'.
I had the bike out in thirty seconds.

[Warthog]

Bushman_uk wrote:

The man replies " there are not to happy about it in Asda either"

That made Oi laff!!

[Alun]

Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

[Alun]

If you've ever flown with Ryanair you will love this...

[video type=youtube]ZAg0lUYHHFc[/video]

[Lolo]

:silly: :laugh: :blink:

That video made me snort with laughter

[Lolo]

Smug Men




In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre.

'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces. 'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.'
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?'

The doctor quickly responded, '£5,000 for a male brain; £200 for a female brain.'
The moment turned awkward.
Some of the men actually had to'try' to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the women.
A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the male brain so much more than a female brain?'
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the female brains a lot lower because they've been used.

[Lolo]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry,your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a
coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet
with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a
bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£250?" she cried, "£250 just to tell me my duck is dead?"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £250."

[Sgt Bilco]

I was on Dragon's Den but I got thrown out.

Apparently asking Deborah Meaden to "**** off and make us a cuppa while us men talk business" is unacceptable.

[MidnightSerenity]

Q: What colour is a burp?

A: Burple

:silly: :silly: :silly: