Groan

Anything goes, and mine's a Guinness.
daveuprite
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Re: Groan

Post by daveuprite » Mon Apr 06, 2020 6:04 pm

phil_h wrote:
Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:49 pm
Flipflop wrote:
Mon Apr 06, 2020 3:27 pm
They’ve put Boris on one of those new Dyson respirators - apparently he’s picking up nicely.
Unfortunately they now think there is a fault in the equipment because it seems to be continuously blowing hot air ?
....because he's a personality vacuum ?

Adventure Bike Rider New Issue Out Now
daveuprite
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Re: Groan

Post by daveuprite » Sun Apr 12, 2020 6:27 am

"I found £20 on the ground in a car park, and I wondered what Jesus would have done? So I turned it into wine..."

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Re: Groan

Post by daveuprite » Sun Apr 12, 2020 3:41 pm

A man walks into a doctor’s office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear.
“What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”

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Re: Groan

Post by Chunkychops » Sun Apr 12, 2020 5:33 pm

Our local dog kennels is in financial difficulties - they are calling in the retrievers.

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Re: Groan

Post by bill_qaz » Sun Apr 12, 2020 5:39 pm

Q. What you call a boomerang that doesn't come back
A. A stick

daveuprite
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Re: Groan

Post by daveuprite » Sun Apr 12, 2020 8:44 pm

What is the country coming to?

Witnessed totally disgusting behaviour on the beach at Weymouth today, a man and a woman arguing in front of a load of kids, then she smacked him one on the head and it all kicked off between them, the police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke but the man actually managed to get the baton off the copper and started hitting the copper and the woman with it.

Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages.

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Steve T
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Re: Groan

Post by Steve T » Sun Apr 12, 2020 9:33 pm

Prince Charles is being shown around a Scottish hospital.

At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims:

Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain e' the puddin' race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
painch tripe or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
as lang's my arm.

The Prince, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient launches into:

Some hae meat, and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.

This continues with the next patient:

Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
wi' bickering brattle.
I wad be laith to run and chase thee,
wi' murdering prattle!"

"Well," Prince Charles says to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last."

"Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the Serious Burns unit.
ZEN DOG

He knows not where he's going, for the ocean will decide
It's not the destination . . . . . . . it's the glory of the ride

daveuprite
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Re: Groan

Post by daveuprite » Sun Apr 12, 2020 11:22 pm

Steve T wrote:
Sun Apr 12, 2020 9:33 pm
"this is the Serious Burns unit.
Excellent! I managed to work it out by the third verse. Good joke. Probably too good to be in 'groan' actually. :D

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Re: Groan

Post by bill_qaz » Wed Apr 15, 2020 12:08 pm

20200415_120743.jpg
20200415_120743.jpg (56.95 KiB) Viewed 247 times

daveuprite
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Re: Groan

Post by daveuprite » Sun Apr 19, 2020 10:08 pm

What borders on stupidity?

Mexico and Canada.

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