Shoplifting wife

Anything goes, and mine's a Guinness.
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Morph
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Morph » Fri Sep 09, 2011 9:40 pm

As my wife and I parked up at Sainsbury's, we saw a man pull into a disabled bay and get out with his dog.

"What a cheek!" said my mrs, "What's wrong with him? He's not disabled!"

"I don't know, maybe he's blind" I replied,

"Oh yes, probably. I feel bad now" she said...
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

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moto al
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by moto al » Sat Sep 10, 2011 7:31 pm

a woman brings eight year old jonny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with mary her eight year old daughter ,johnny,s mother says ,lets not be too harsh on them,they are bound to be curious about sex at that age ?replies mary.s mother he.s taken her f**g appendix out ? he he





















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in
moto al

Sprockette
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Sprockette » Sat Sep 10, 2011 9:26 pm

Did you fall asleep on the spacebar Al?

Morph
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Morph » Sat Sep 10, 2011 10:46 pm

I have some bad news to tell you and it's difficult to say,

Ken Dodds dads dogs dead...
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

Jimbike
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Jimbike » Sat Sep 10, 2011 10:51 pm

I went to a new restaurant for bulimics last night.
The place was heaving!
If you have eaten your breakfast, clean your bowl.

mark1150
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by mark1150 » Sun Sep 11, 2011 6:49 am

A fella is delivering some monkeys to a zoo when his van breaks down.
About 10 minuets later a car pulls behind him and the driver, an Irishman, gets out to ask if he could help.
The van driver says.... "I was just taking this lot to the zoo when my van broke down; if I give you £50 could you take them as it's only about two miles down the road?"

The Irishman agrees, so with the monkeys in his car off they set.

A couple of hours later the van driver is bemused to see the Irishman coming back with the monkeys still in his car, so he flags him down to find out what's happened.

"What's happened?, and where are you going?" he asked.

Irishman replies.... "We had such a great time at the zoo, I thought I'd take them to the cinema with the change!"
The end of the road is the start of the fun



A bad day on the bike is still better than a good day at the office

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Jelly
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Jelly » Sun Sep 11, 2011 6:57 am

I've got to clean out the attic today with the wife, dirty rotten thing covered in cob webs...................

But she's good with the kids. :laugh:


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To take them home to the ones that they love and who love them forever......."

Peejay
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Peejay » Sun Sep 11, 2011 1:49 pm

One morning a milkman called on one of
his regular customers and was surprised
to see a white bedsheet with a hole in
the middle hanging up in her living room.

The housewife explained that she'd had
a party the night before.

They had played a game called..."Who's
Who"...in which each of the men had to
put his equipment through the hole and
the women tried to guess their identity.

"Gee...that sounds like fun"...said the
milkman.

"Sure wish I'd been there".

"You should have been"..said the housewife.

"Your name came up three times".
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Wheresoever you go. Go with all your heart.

moto al
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by moto al » Sun Sep 11, 2011 3:24 pm

did you hear about the pirate that was deaf, he had no buckenears???
moto al

herman
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by herman » Sun Sep 11, 2011 4:58 pm

What do you call a blind Deer? No idea. What do you call a deaf Gorilla? anything you like,he can't hear you :whistle:
The secret of a long life is knowing when its time to go.

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