Shoplifting wife

Anything goes, and mine's a Guinness.
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zimtim
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by zimtim » Tue Sep 06, 2011 7:36 am

I was riding along the M27 doing about 70 front wheel in the air as I pulled up alongside a white Van i tapped on his window and asked him if he had a light, the driver said " are trying to kill yourself" to which I replied I know but I am cutting down I only smoke 20 a day now
It is easier to defend yourself against a thousand enemies, than it is to defend against one backstabbing friend

Adventure Bike Rider New Issue Out Now
GreatScott
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by GreatScott » Tue Sep 06, 2011 3:52 pm

This vegetarian came up to me today and said she recognised me. I was confused, I'd never met herbivore.

I was up all last night worrying where the sun had gone, then it dawned on me :whistle:

Snowdog
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Snowdog » Tue Sep 06, 2011 4:04 pm

What did the mexican say to the cheese thief?

"This is Nacho Cheese!"

:D


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Whatever you do on your path, do it mindfully.

Morph
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Morph » Tue Sep 06, 2011 4:14 pm

My wife came home upset from work last night and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with the Xbox!
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

Scythian
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Scythian » Tue Sep 06, 2011 4:44 pm

:laugh:
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'The most dangerous part of a motorcycle is the nut connecting the handlebar to the seat.'

Jelly
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Jelly » Tue Sep 06, 2011 4:55 pm

A woman goes to a doctor named Dr. Wong. "Doctor, I can't get a date, no one will go out with me." In a very thick Asian accent, Dr. Wong says, "Take off clothes and get on all four hands and knees." She does. " Now crawl to wall." She does so and looks back at him. "I know what wrong. " "What is it Doctor! What do I have?" "You have Ed Zachary disease." "Ed Zachary disease? What is that?!" "You face look Ed Zachary like you ass!"
"The distant echo of faraway voices boarding far away trains,



To take them home to the ones that they love and who love them forever......."

Darren
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Darren » Tue Sep 06, 2011 6:27 pm

Love that Ed Zachery :-)
“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” – St. Augustine

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mark1150
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by mark1150 » Tue Sep 06, 2011 6:54 pm

Mrs H has wanted a tattoo for ages, something classy she said, no pictures of butterfly's or devils etc just a nice bit of script.
Anyway off she went and returned an hour later with a huge 'W' tattooed on each bum cheek.
I said "What sort of script is that?"
So she bent over and it said WOW!
The end of the road is the start of the fun



A bad day on the bike is still better than a good day at the office

DRZ 400

XR 400 R

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zimtim
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by zimtim » Thu Sep 08, 2011 5:57 am

A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new 'anything goes' course in Brighton and heads into the grill room. As he
passes through the dining room doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

LAGER: £2.80
HAMBURGER: £2.85
CHEESEBURGER: £3.30
CHICKEN SANDWICH : £3.50

FRENCH FRIES: £1.50 per portion
HAND JOB: £50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally
attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?" The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir , I sure am."

The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear and says softly, "Well, wash your hands real good because I want a
cheeseburger "
It is easier to defend yourself against a thousand enemies, than it is to defend against one backstabbing friend

Scythian
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Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2011 10:12 pm

Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Scythian » Fri Sep 09, 2011 9:23 pm

A wife arrived home and found her husband in bed with another woman. She drags him out of the house, into the tool shed in their back yard and put his penis in a vice. Securing it tightly and removing the handle, she then picked up a hacksaw. Terrified, her husband screamed, "Stop! Please! You aren't going to cut it off, are you?" Placing the saw in her husband's hand, the wife replied, "Of course not! I'm going to set fire to the shed. You do whatever you have to do.
'The most dangerous part of a motorcycle is the nut connecting the handlebar to the seat.'

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