Shoplifting wife

Anything goes, and mine's a Guinness.
Morph
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Morph » Fri Aug 26, 2011 5:01 pm

What do an Eagle and a Mole have in common?
They both live underground.
Apart from the Eagle.
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

Adventure Bike Rider New Issue Out Now
GreatScott
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by GreatScott » Fri Aug 26, 2011 5:47 pm

Can you name an Indian tribe which scalps people?
Not off the top of my head

I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it

Exit signs - they're on the way out aren't they?


I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

with thanks to Tim Vine (who else) :silly:

moto al
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by moto al » Fri Aug 26, 2011 6:38 pm

he he lad,s keep them coming wee all nead a laugh.cheers al
moto al

Morph
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Morph » Sat Aug 27, 2011 5:14 pm

I went to the doctors the other day, because I think I'm going deaf.
"What are the symptoms?" the doctor asked.
"That yellow cartoon family on the TV" I replied.

That one cracks me up ;)
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

Mul001
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Joined: Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:22 pm

Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Mul001 » Sat Aug 27, 2011 5:22 pm

A Neutron walks into a pub and says "Can I have a beer, please"

After getting his drink, he says "How much is that, please"

"For you" says the barman "No charge"

groan.

ipswichbiker
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by ipswichbiker » Sat Aug 27, 2011 6:37 pm

Ahh an excuse for some physics jokes.

Two atoms were walking across a road when one of them said, "I think I lost an electron!" "Really!" the other replied, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I 'm absolutely positive."


Bartender goes, "Hey, what's the rush?"
Tachyon walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer, now!"


.... Ok I'll get my coat.
I went to the Caribbean on holiday with my wife last year.

Jamaica?

No, she wanted to.




Sprockette
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Sprockette » Sat Aug 27, 2011 6:40 pm

Mul001 wrote:A Neutron walks into a pub and says "Can I have a beer, please"

After getting his drink, he says "How much is that, please"

"For you" says the barman "No charge"

groan.
Love it!

This is an old one but a good one:

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

*tumbleweeds*

moto al
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by moto al » Sat Aug 27, 2011 6:51 pm

doctor, doctor , i think i am a pull table, (doctor)get to the end of the quew??
moto al

moto al
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by moto al » Sat Aug 27, 2011 7:00 pm

doctor i cant get tom jones singing the green grass of home out my head . is this normal . well its not unusal??
moto al

Morph
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Morph » Sat Aug 27, 2011 7:36 pm

My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with the Monkees.
I thought she was joking
But then I saw her face......
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

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