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Re: Shoplifting wife

Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 8:48 pm
by Morph
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops
them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

"Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile" the German says unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons."

"You canta pulla thata one on me-aa!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four.
You have five-a people ina your car and thereforea you arra breaking da law."

The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!"

"Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. He's a busy with a 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

Re: Shoplifting wife

Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 9:01 pm
by herman
Image

Re: Shoplifting wife

Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 9:55 pm
by bluey
Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom

Re: Shoplifting wife

Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:18 pm
by Morph
1784e9b4b126d326.jpg
1784e9b4b126d326.jpg (47.7 KiB) Viewed 1862 times

Re: Shoplifting wife

Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:24 pm
by Doggo
Oh my God Morph! :blink: :S :huh: :blink: :laugh: :laugh:

Re: Shoplifting wife

Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:53 pm
by Morph
Doggo wrote:Oh my God Morph! :blink: :S :huh: :blink: :laugh: :laugh:
The worrying thing is is that I'm not sure if it's Photoshop or real ;)

Re: Shoplifting wife

Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 7:22 pm
by Morph
Just got back from my mate's funeral.
He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.

Re: Shoplifting wife

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:45 pm
by zimtim
The Agony of Dyslexia
After Daylight Saving ended I stopped in to visit


my dyslexic friend.

He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

I said to him,
"You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!"