Shoplifting wife

Anything goes, and mine's a Guinness.
Morph
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Morph » Thu Nov 03, 2011 8:48 pm

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops
them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

"Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile" the German says unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons."

"You canta pulla thata one on me-aa!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four.
You have five-a people ina your car and thereforea you arra breaking da law."

The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!"

"Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. He's a busy with a 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

Adventure Bike Rider New Issue Out Now
herman
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by herman » Thu Nov 03, 2011 9:01 pm

Image
The secret of a long life is knowing when its time to go.

bluey
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by bluey » Thu Nov 03, 2011 9:55 pm

Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom

Morph
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Morph » Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:18 pm

1784e9b4b126d326.jpg
1784e9b4b126d326.jpg (47.7 KiB) Viewed 314 times
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

Doggo
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Doggo » Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:24 pm

Oh my God Morph! :blink: :S :huh: :blink: :laugh: :laugh:
"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower." - Hans Christian Andersen



When a man is tired of motorcycling, he is tired of life

Morph
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Morph » Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:53 pm

Doggo wrote:Oh my God Morph! :blink: :S :huh: :blink: :laugh: :laugh:
The worrying thing is is that I'm not sure if it's Photoshop or real ;)
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

Morph
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by Morph » Wed Nov 09, 2011 7:22 pm

Just got back from my mate's funeral.
He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

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zimtim
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Re: Shoplifting wife

Post by zimtim » Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:45 pm

The Agony of Dyslexia
After Daylight Saving ended I stopped in to visit


my dyslexic friend.

He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

I said to him,
"You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!"
It is easier to defend yourself against a thousand enemies, than it is to defend against one backstabbing friend

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