Shoplifting wife

[Morph]

What do an Eagle and a Mole have in common?
They both live underground.
Apart from the Eagle.

[GreatScott]

Can you name an Indian tribe which scalps people?
Not off the top of my head

I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it

Exit signs - they're on the way out aren't they?


I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

with thanks to Tim Vine (who else) :silly:

[moto al]

he he lad,s keep them coming wee all nead a laugh.cheers al

[Morph]

I went to the doctors the other day, because I think I'm going deaf.
"What are the symptoms?" the doctor asked.
"That yellow cartoon family on the TV" I replied.

That one cracks me up

[Mul001]

A Neutron walks into a pub and says "Can I have a beer, please"

After getting his drink, he says "How much is that, please"

"For you" says the barman "No charge"

groan.

[ipswichbiker]

Ahh an excuse for some physics jokes.

Two atoms were walking across a road when one of them said, "I think I lost an electron!" "Really!" the other replied, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I 'm absolutely positive."


Bartender goes, "Hey, what's the rush?"
Tachyon walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer, now!"


.... Ok I'll get my coat.

[Sprockette]

A Neutron walks into a pub and says "Can I have a beer, please"

After getting his drink, he says "How much is that, please"

"For you" says the barman "No charge"

groan.

Love it!

This is an old one but a good one:

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

*tumbleweeds*

[moto al]

doctor, doctor , i think i am a pull table, (doctor)get to the end of the quew??

[moto al]

doctor i cant get tom jones singing the green grass of home out my head . is this normal . well its not unusal??

[Morph]

My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with the Monkees.
I thought she was joking
But then I saw her face......