funny old thing life...

[placky2]

im 52 and have hated my father for at least 51 of those years.he was a nasty violent man and a bully,my childhood was spent with broken bones and bruises and watching my mother get beaten up constantly.all my life ive thought id be happy when he died but I feel sad,he died in the early hrs of sat morn,ive never had that relationship that it seems everybody else had with there fathers,we never laughed together or did any 'bonding' despite me trying to right to the end.he just didn't want to know.we all hold him responsible for my mothers early death,63,as she took to the bottle because of him.he even stepped over her when she collapsed to serve a customer!!
I guess im sad because lots of things are gone for ever now,we can never 'get on',we can never do things etc etc.kinda taken me by surprise a bit.im the eldest of 7 and apart from 1 brother have nothing to do with the rest,there very similar to him and we just fight. sad sad world.
just needed to get this off my chest.

I don't know whether to go to the funeral or not,my better half says I have to but im not sure? what does anybody think?

[HarveyCamm]

For me I'd say look forward and not back, if you get on with one of your siblings then great but if it were me I'd be busy on the day of the funeral. It's your life and whatever other people think of 'obligations' it's still up to you and it sounds like you've already chosen a very different path through life to the rest of your family.
Good luck whatever you choose to do.
Harv (thumbs)

[Spike941]

I had the perfect upbringing, my wife didn't. She hated her mother and didn't get to go to the funeral, she wanted to, be wasn't her choice. She regrets not going, still no closure I guess. Only a recent serious health scare to one of her sisters has bought the family, including her Father, back together.
End of a chapter in your life, and no doubt a better one now to begin. Go, have closure, and grasp the next chapter and live it to the full.

[Scott_rider]

That's a sad story . Still go to the funeral. As they say, it's better to regret something you have done than something you haven't.

[phillh]

Very sad but I think you will regret it if you don't go. Attend the funeral, draw a line over the past and look forward to the rest of your life.

[Boudica]

It is a sad story indeed and I sympathise with you. As Harvey Camm said , look forward not back and it is your choise. If I would be in your shoes I'd would go to my father's funeral and I would forgive and probably I'll find peace for myself regarding this matter.
It is hard to give advise most of the time, at the end of the day whatever you decide it will be the best for you.
Wishing you all the best and be positive always,
Boudica (thumbs)

[Mike101]

If it were me i would go.

Its better to be there and not want to rather than wishing you had done. You only get one shot at this and if you are really undecided then i say go.

If you really didn't want to go you would not be having these thoughts.

My ex wife was in the same situation as you apart from her parents are still alive. She said she will go to their funerals to make sure they really are gone for good.

Its a tough call you have and thankfully one i don't have as my parents are both good people and still here.

I wish you all the best as whichever way you go it will be hard.

Mike

[The Sarge]

The Fuuneral will be a closure for you. I hope you are able to put it all behind you after that ?

Regards

[Simon_100]

I think the 'closure' argument is worth taking on. It can't hurt you to go - unless the sausage rolls are off :whistle: - and as the others have said if you don't go you can't wind the clock back if you regret it later.

I had a similarly bad relationship, if I can call it that, with both of my parents and my useless brother and sister didn't even tell me when they died, let alone when or where the funerals were.

But I still felt a need for 'closure' at least in the case of my mother, the father was good riddance, and included a wander around the village cemetery in a 'nostalgia' trip back to Britain when I'd recovered from cancer treatment but was still a long way from the all clear.

It was only several years later when In stumbled across one of my aunties on FB and we got in touch and she told me their 'story' from a contemporary 'eye-witness' point of view that I began to understand what had gone on - not that I forgive them their lack or, or negligence of, responsibility to their children - but just to understand a little helps.

OMG - all us blokes talking about feelings, we'll be going to aerobic classes and making crochet doilies next ...

Regs

Simon

[V2orV4]

Placky, I reckon you should go with your gut feeling, it can only be your decision. You know what has happened over the years, and only you know truly how you feel.

If you attend, it will surely bring back bad memories and may stir things up even more.

If you decide not to go, there is no way you should feel any guilt.

Steve.