A Joke you heard today

[zimtim]

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.

“Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?” I asked.

Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.

She was "only thinking of me", she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.

I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.

She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.

She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?!

This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

"Oh man, I'm in trouble again,” I said, “I really don't know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!"

The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.

Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.

[Morph]

I went to the Zoo today and saw a baguette in a cage.

The Zoo Keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

[WIBO]

f f s







.

[SHarper]

I went to the Zoo today and saw a baguette in a cage.

The Zoo Keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

I went to the same zoo, they only had a dog!



It was a shih tzu.

[Morph]

A red headed guy working in a bakery is essentially a ginger bread man.

[Rederic]

A distressed but attractive woman was standing on the edge of a cliff, trying to get up the nerve to jump.

A passing hobo stops and says, since your about to kill yourself anyway would you mind if we have sex first

The woman says ""get away from me you you sicko"""

The hobo turns around and mutters
""fine I will just go and wait at the bottom""

[daveuprite]

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar
stool...

One of them says to the bartender,
"Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip...
I'm John, he's Jim...
Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite
conversation while pouring the beers...
"Been on holiday yet, lads?"

"Off to England next month," says John...
"We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles...
Don't we, Jim?"
Jim agrees...

"Ah, England!" says the bartender...
"Wonderful country...
The history, the beer, the culture..."

"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John...
"Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim?
And we can't stand the English...
They're so arrogant and rude."

"So why do you keep going to England?" asks the bartender...

"Well it's the only chance Jim gets to drive."

[Cone]

"So why do you keep going to England?" asks the bartender...

"Well it's the only chance Jim gets to drive."

Well actually they could go to India, Australia and Southern Africa as well as the Caribbean

[bowber]

Well actually they could go to India, Australia and Southern Africa as well as the Caribbean

Japan, Thailand, New Zealand....

[Rederic]

Well actually they could go to India, Australia and Southern Africa as well as the Caribbean

Japan, Thailand, New Zealand....

Or they could try
Malta
Cyprus
Indonesia
Papua New Guinea
Hong Kong
Kenya
Singapore
As for Thailand they don’t give a F@@k what side of the road they drive on 🤪