A Joke you heard today

Anything goes, and mine's a Guinness.
bill_qaz
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Re: A Joke you heard today

Post by bill_qaz » Mon Oct 08, 2018 11:59 am

The Frank Feldman story:
A man walks out to the street and immediately catches a taxi going by. He gets into the taxi and the cabbie says. 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right, all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to
Frank Feldman, every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete He could have won Grand-Slam in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera
baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer.
He remembered everybody's birthday.
He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.
He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right'
Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'
Passenger: 'What an amazing fellow! How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his f...ing widow.'

Adventure Bike Rider New Issue Out Now
Morph
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Re: A Joke you heard today

Post by Morph » Sat Oct 13, 2018 9:55 am

Talking of Diane Abbott, on a recent tour of Ireland, she was asked what she thought of County Down,
She replied she enjoyed it, but was better when Carole Vorderman was in it.......
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

Rederic
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Re: A Joke you heard today

Post by Rederic » Sat Oct 13, 2018 7:49 pm

297C428F-1CAC-4FBA-A833-6F16DDB01611.jpeg
297C428F-1CAC-4FBA-A833-6F16DDB01611.jpeg (84.83 KiB) Viewed 1675 times
A picture paints a thousand words

:roll:
If your not the lead dog the view never change's

bill_qaz
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Re: A Joke you heard today

Post by bill_qaz » Tue Oct 16, 2018 12:40 pm

golf joke.jpg
golf joke.jpg (158.9 KiB) Viewed 1604 times

Morph
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Re: A Joke you heard today

Post by Morph » Sat Oct 20, 2018 10:15 pm

I put up a high voltage electric fence up around my property at the weekend, my neighbour is dead against it.
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

Morph
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Re: A Joke you heard today

Post by Morph » Sat Oct 20, 2018 10:19 pm

A15EDB51-FCDD-4CE3-91DD-43C38FF8AFA7.jpeg
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The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

Morph
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Re: A Joke you heard today

Post by Morph » Sun Oct 21, 2018 11:12 am

5A3F868B-AF2D-4218-A533-C37640DA82AF.jpeg
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Great advert
The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

Morph
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Re: A Joke you heard today

Post by Morph » Sun Oct 21, 2018 9:48 pm

D8D2D358-3EF4-47FB-9BC8-34162F1BA2CB.jpeg
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The lightest piece of kit is the one you leave behind...

bill_qaz
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Re: A Joke you heard today

Post by bill_qaz » Thu Nov 22, 2018 4:33 pm

Pharmacist


A nice, calm, and respectable lady went into the pharmacy walked up to the pharmacist looked straight Into his eyes and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband In bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

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Mosel Bikes
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Re: A Joke you heard today

Post by Mosel Bikes » Thu Nov 22, 2018 5:20 pm

Brexit.
Greyhound Racing .... don't bet, don't go - you bet, they die :cry:

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