A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a pint, while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything around the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a ball.
The barman shouts at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves with his monkey.
Two weeks later, he's back in the bar along with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass,then pulls it out and eats it.
The barman is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
Crap Joke time
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Re: Crap Joke time
A chap gets stopped for speeding after trying to outrun the pursuing police car. The officer, who is at the end of his shift, tells the driver if he can come up with an original excuse for falling to stop, he will let him off with a verbal caution. The chap thinks for a few seconds and says "My ex wife ran off with a traffic officer, and I thought it was you trying to bring her back"
Re: Crap Joke time
Spike that is brilliantSpike941 wrote:A chap gets stopped for speeding after trying to outrun the pursuing police car. The officer, who is at the end of his shift, tells the driver if he can come up with an original excuse for falling to stop, he will let him off with a verbal caution. The chap thinks for a few seconds and says "My ex wife ran off with a traffic officer, and I thought it was you trying to bring her back"
Two wheels roaming. My FB page
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Re: Crap Joke time
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess
what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose
patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose
patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
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Re: Crap Joke time
how do you fit a lion in your fridge?
take out all the grocery and shelves and put it in.....
how do you fit a monkey in your fridge?
take out the lion....
why was the simba alone on his birthday?
because all the other animals where being put in a fridge...
take out all the grocery and shelves and put it in.....
how do you fit a monkey in your fridge?
take out the lion....
why was the simba alone on his birthday?
because all the other animals where being put in a fridge...