Adventure Bike Rider

But we don't all have a military I.D. card to get us there

Fair enough - but I only played that card as a last resort once I'd got speaking to the guy.

An ancient text has been discovered that cast new light on the travails of the lowly serf known as Bovine of Madness. Here we are able to reproduce the original text with modern day translation:

The serf Bovine received an summons from the Barons in Manchester to serve time as judge for a festival of skill and fitness whereby worthy knights clad in armour and riding strange mechanical beasts would battle gravity itself in a gladiatorial competition at the Manor of Coombe Sydenham in the ancient realm of Wessex.

Translation: I was appointed by British Cycling to work as an official on Round 1 of the British Downhill Mountain Bike Series at Coombe Sydenham Country Park near Taunton over the weekend

And lo it came to pass that a revelation did occur to this lowly serf. That many of the locations in his arduous grail search might be less than one days ride on my trust steed from this place and so could slay two or even more beasts of the sky with a well-aimed slingshot!

Translation: Well bugger me! As they will be paying for a big chunk of my mileage I could take the bike and kill several birds with one stone

And so he did plan his worthy trek and poring over ancient cartographic scripts did deduce that not only was the ancient Abbey of Glastonbury within one hours gallop from that very place, with a bit of spirited riding and a good strong mount he could also make pilgrimage to the Cathedral of Exeter for it doth lie in the far south west of the kingdom too. Indeed if he were able to ride hard and avoid the roving border patrols he might slip quietly into the Kingdom of Kernow and visit the great Cathedral on the hill in Truro.

Translation: Having a gander at the map, I noticed it would be easy to knock off Glastonbury and Exeter and possibly even Truro in a day.

He did humbly beseech his employer for a days’ rest from his toils and his master did show pity on this lowly serf and did grant him a day away from his labours for this was the terrible day of Friday the Thirteenth and no sane man should be toiling on such a day and although fearing for the safety of his serf he did acquiesce to his request. And Bovine’s plans did grow as a result. He deigned to set forth on the eve of the Thursday the 12th of April and did decide to first make pilgrimage south to the Cathedral of Salisbury and to hopefully find cheap lodgings in that great city. Setting forth from his hovel at a much later hour than originally planned at the end of his day’s toil he did join the Great North Road and then avoided London by a circuitous route and took the highways to the South West. In the parish of Fleet he did stop for vitals at a roadside eating place but whilst there, the heavens did open and riding was thence difficult and he was sore afraid but did battle onwards via country tracks stopping only to replenish his steed eventually reaching the City

Translation: Having managed to book a day’s leave on the Friday, I realised I could also include Salisbury if I could find somewhere cheap to stay, so after leaving work later than planned at 7.15, I set off down the A1(M), round the M25 and then via the M3. Stopping for something to eat at Fleet Services, I emerged into a downpour of biblical proportions, despite this I decided to carry on and despite being able to see little after rain managed to get between my visor and the pinlock insert which was a bit scary in the dark to say the least. I soldiered on only for the rain to stop shortly after. After a fuel stop and visor cleaning session, I continued on the A303, A343 and finally the A30 to Salisbury.

Arriving late but managing to slip inside the City walls before the gates were shut, Bovine made haste to the Cathedral through the narrow streets but to his dismay was unable to make a fair sketch of the scene due to the pervading darkness. So instead he did seek out the cheapest lodging house in the city deciding to return soon after dawn. The lodging house was clean and accommodating but full with many young pilgrims, who having retired early showed their displeasure as Bovine did prepare his bed for the night. So having done so he did favour retiring to a nearby ale house but was pleasantly surprised to find the lodging house did have bottles of ale to sell and settled down with a tankard before eventually retiring and gaining his revenge on the quarrelsome youths by making much noise in climbing into his bunk.

Translation: Arriving about 9.20, I rode to the cathedral but as can be seen, getting a decent photo wasn’t easy (and someone put a tree in the way) so I decided to return early in the morning! Having discovered that cheap accommodation and Salisbury don’t seem to co-exist the only reasonable place I could find was the Youth Hostel. So for only £19 for the night I decided it would do. Having used Youth Hostels many times in the past it should have held no surprises but things have changed a bit. On arrival my on-line booking was confirmed and I was presented with a sheet, pillow case and duvet cover. So the YHA may not expect you to carry out “tasks” any more (usually cleaning or washing up in the old days) but you do have to make your own bed. Entering the room at about 9.30 I was surprised to find a few young lads already in bed asleep. As there were only top bunks available making the bed wasn’t easy and there was no way I was doing it in the pitch black so switched the light on. Cue much grumbling and tutting from the yoofs! After doing that as well as first getting out of my bike gear (much noisy Velcro leading to more tutting!) I decided that rather than walking to the pub, I’d have a beer in the Hostel (another change from days gone by) and read a book for a while, turning in about 11.30. When of course climbing into a top wooden bunk produced much creaking and I got my revenge on the yoofs!



SALISBURY CATHEDRAL (Honest it's there somewhere!)

To be continued.....

Awakening soon after dawn, Bovine left the dwelling house and returned to the Cathedral to discover that the guardians were not yet awake and so had no problem in finding a good spot for recording an image of his visit.

Translation: There was nobody in the little security booth in Cloisters Square so I was able to park up in North Row for an excellent view of the Cathedral.





SALISBURY CATHEDRAL (That's a bit clearer)!

By the hour of seven he refreshed himself in an eatery that did appear to be run by a Scottish clansman and then did make haste for Glastonbury some fifty leagues hence although even at that early hour his progress was impeded by many great wagons labouring on the narrow byways.

Translation: After breakfast in McDonalds I was on my way to Glastonbury before seven although the A36 was busy with artics at that early hour. Although I had little trouble picking them off one by one on the Tiger and covered the 50 miles in an hour.

At The Abbey of Glastonbury by the hour of eight, Bovine recorded his visit before adding an extra vestment and switching to heavier gauntlets in the early morning chill before setting off again for Exeter some eighty five leagues away but with the assistance of a wide turnpike





GLASTONBURY ABBEY

Translation: Glastonbury was very quiet at eight and the temperatures were still low so I added a layer and switched to my winter gloves after getting my photos before continuing on to Exeter eighty five miles away but dispatched in just over an hour as most of it was on the M5.

The Cathedral at Exeter was not easy to find and Bovine had to pass along many false roads before risking the wrath of the Constables of the City by using a route he was sure was barred to him. He was quickly able to record his visit and then retreat without suffering hindrance. A stop for vitals for his mount at the edge of the city was followed by a hundred leagues into the Kingdom of Kernow. Along the way he passed many nomadic peoples on their own pilgrimages. The Tribes of the Veedubs and even the ancient order of Tee-arrs and Emm-gees were passed and many groups of the Riders of Cherridee before he arrived in Truro at lunchtime

Translation: After a few false tries at gaining access to the cathedral and being taken down some dead ends by my sat nav I managed to sneak into the largely pedestrianised area in front and grabbed a quick photo. A stop at a supermarket on the edge of Exeter for fuel and a coffee and I was onto the A30 and passing large numbers of VW Campers (heading for a Rally in Truro it transpired) and a large contingent of Triumph TRs and MGs. As I got closer to Truro I started to pass a number of charity cyclists obviously heading for Lands End all followed by their obligatory support vehicle and even a group of four on a moped charity ride, struggling up one of the hills at about 20mph. Despite regular rain showers I made Truro at lunchtime.



EXETER CATHEDRAL

To be continued......

Stopping close to the Cathedral was for once easy and having captured an image Bovine was soon on his way again and visited a hostelry on his return route for luncheon. This was a strange occurrence as there was a Wake in progress on one side of the lounge for a recently departed resident of the village. Rather than retrace his steps as he had witnessed travellers suffering great travails on the road on their journey out of Kernow. So taking inspiration from King Arthur himself he set forth on the northern trail past Tintagel Castle. But this way was fraught with danger. The heavens did open and rain did pour forth and the surface of the way was made most slippery and roving groups of accommodation wagons did block his path. And then the rain did turn to hail and a stop for a warming brew was required near the town of Bideford. Once replete our hardy traveller set forth once more into the deluge and did take the high path across the wilderness of Exmoor where it did at last stop raining but indeed he did even see snow upon the fields. And in time he did reach the manor of Coombe Sydenham and did suffer much trepidation on the waste that was the festival site for it was slippery with a great red ooze upon the face of the earth.

Translation, Yep Truro is a fairly easy one and yes I did stop in a pub for lunch whilst a wake was in progress. Having witnessed a 10 mile stationary queue on the A30 near Bodmin due to the single track section of road across Bodmin Moor, I decided to take the (more) scenic route along the A39 Atlantic Highway that tracks the northern coast of the South West peninsula passing close to Tintagel one of sites of Arthurian legend. The weather turned foul with heavy rain and strong winds, at times there was even hail and a multitude of motorhomes had to be overtaken. At Bideford I sought refuge at the Atlantic Village and Costa Coffee! After raiding their paper napkins to dry off my visor and a change back to my lighter weight gloves as my winter ones were just starting to leak. I then stopped in town for fuel before heading up through Barnstable and out across Exmoor on the fantastic B3358 and B3224 (both heartedly recommended) with a brief pee stop high on the moor, the weather now dry but very cold and yes there was some wet slushy snow on the fields and road sides! Arriving at the race site I made the mistake of riding up the access track which was a horrible slippery red mud that meant I almost dropped the bike about five times, not only could I get no drive off the back tyre but the front tyre had a mind of its own and I have no idea how I stayed upright.








TRURO CATHEDRAL





A STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF EXMOOR (about the only part of the Journey where it wasn't raining)


After ensuring that preparations were set Bovine retired the fifteen leagues to the City of Taunton and a fine dwelling house, indeed it was a Premier Inn! His steed was now looking very sorry for itself! After a weekend of great competition in which much fierce battling was seen between competitors with amazing sights as wounded knights were plucked into the sky by a great noisesome beast or taken off in a gaily painted charnel wagon, it was time for Bovine to return to his hovel. But he was dismayed that the festival had finished later than he realised and it was to be a long and arduous journey back but he had a plan!

After checking on arrangements I headed into Taunton where the organiser had booked the officials into a Premier Inn and the bike was looking a rather sorry state. The weekend’s racing was great despite having a number of injuries with one helicopter evacuation and another rider being shipped off to Taunton Hospital by emergency ambulance, luckily nobody suffered any serious long term injuries. The events didn’t finish until late and I eventually got away after 7.00. But I had an idea!



A RATHER MUDDY TIGER OUTSIDE THE PREMIER INN AT TAUNTON

Bovine had had the foresight to carry scripts documenting all the Grail Locations and realised that a small detour would take him to the Cathedral at Gloucester, from which the logical journey home would take him to the City of Oxford and the Christ Church Cathedral. So he set of bravely into the night, firstly via a twisting way above the sea and then on the great turnpike he had used before to Gloucester. Again the City Constables had set traps to prevent the weary traveller from reaching the Cathedral but given the late hour he was able to avoid these fiendish devices and found himself in the very grounds of the Cathedral, whereupon he surprised three young maidens indulging in mead or a similar brew. Finally in a secluded corner he was able to get the image he needed although the descending darkness did cause great problems.Leaving the city he set forth upon the path to Oxford.

As I have all the grail Locations programmed into my Sat Nav I realised that instead of using the M5 and M4 to go home, I could stay on the M5 for an extra 20 minutes and bag Gloucester and then returning via the A40, get Oxford. I left Coombe Sydenham and rode the north to again pick up the A39 along the Bristol Channel coast to Bridegewater and then onto the M5. Gloucester proved to be a bit tricky as it can only be accessed via a “no vehicles except for access” zone but at 8.30 on a Sunday night this no problem. Then trying to find a decent spot for a photo I discovered that the road had suddenly turned into a footpath through the cathedral gardens… whoops! Luckily there was no one about as it’s not exactly easy to be “covert” on a Tiger 1050 with an Arrow Race pipe on! Three teenage girls necking Alco pops on a bench in the gardens were the only people about and thought it funny to see me. After finding a secluded spot (behind the gateway on Pitt Street in fact) I got my photos and then just squeezed out past the gate and headed off to Oxford.



GLOUCESTER CATHEDRAL

Travelling through the dark and cold soon saw Bovine in Oxford and knowing that the Cathedral was impossible to access during the day and other pilgrims have had to content themselves with worshiping at the gates of The Cathedral, he did likewise and soon found the location. Again getting his images was not easy in the dark but soon accomplished.

The A40 to Oxford was direct but by now temperatures were falling fast (indeed the matrix signs on the M5 had been showing “Salting in Progress” although I didn’t actually see any gritters). Finding the gateway to Christ Church as others have done I got my photos.





CHRIST CHURCH CATHEDRAL OXFORD

Leaving the City of dreaming spires, Bovine stopped again at a Scottish Restaurant as this was the only eating house open at this late hour before making his way home on deserted ways arriving in the early hours of Monday morning secure in the knowledge he was no longer a lowly serf and had reached the status of Page possibly overtaking the warrior Ubique in the grail rankings.

By the time I left Oxford it was about 10.00pm and I and I hadn’t eaten since lunchtime. The Mexican takeaway van parked opposite Christ Church didn’t look very appealing, so a stop at McDonalds on the ring road was the best of a bad option but I desperately needed something to eat to stave off the cold and tiredness that was creeping in. I eventually got home via the A418 to Aylesbury, the A41 to Hemel Hempstead and then the A414 and A1 to home.

So that’s my first ten under my belt for Page status!!!

And as last time I looked, Ubique was leading the standings with nine so I think that puts me in front (for the time being)…. Err where has the standings thread gone?

Good effort that man! Although I am a little concerned about your dietary intake on this trip.

Yeah me too!

That's the problem with being on a tight schedule, you do to tend to frequent places where you don't have to wait and where they don't seem too fussed about soggy bikers dripping all over the floor

Great effort .
Looks like we both used the same photo point in Canterbury

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I appluad your valiant efforts good Sire.

Good effort, have an imaginary +1 for your galiant deeds.

Why thank you sir!

A few stats from my trip:

Bike: 2011 Triumph Tiger 1050

Distance: 675.2 miles in total

Fuel: Approximately 3.5 tankfuls (13 gallons) at £85.00

Fuel Consumption: Approximately 50mpg (not bad as I usually only get 45mpg)

Meals:

KFC (Fleet Services)
McDonalds x 2 (breakfast in Salisbury, very late dinner in Oxford)
Sainsbury's Cafe Exeter for Coffee stop
Clock & Key Pub Near Truro, lunch Friday (i've had better)
Costa Coffee (Altlantic Village, Bideford) life saving Massimo Latte after the hail!
Beefeater (next to Premier Inn Taunton East) Dinner x 2, Breakfast x 2 (very nice)
Burger Wagon at Mountain Bike race x 2

Congratulations!

On this day in history you hath been awarded your Holy Grail 'Page Award'

(Check your messages for a link to paste into your signature)

Had a little jaunt to Chichester Cathedral today

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